I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
