we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
