I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I only lived at night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
