so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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