Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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