Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
id be glad to
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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