great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Damn victory sex feels great
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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