I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
