mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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