I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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