My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
