I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
