Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
