I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
