Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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