i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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