Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
