forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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