Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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