is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
