just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
