Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
