apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
