Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
