you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
