I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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