Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
