I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
