I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
