Yo dont text me then not text me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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