he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
