my vag is so smooth its legendary
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
