and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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