Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
