There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
