her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
