I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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