She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
