Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
