Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
