Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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