Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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