Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
