my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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