fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
