i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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