I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
