I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
