Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
