my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk is not a location!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
