yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
