And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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