I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we should paint friendship bongs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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