He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
