Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
