new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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