Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
